that I can draw... I haven't been drawing in general, and then my tablet stops working so it gives me less motivation to do so, somehow. So, I opened up my sketch book filled with some nude model poses I did at some bar down by Astor's place a good 2ish years ago and now I remember. I'm looking at this gallery and those sketches and I'm like shit, how did I do all of this?


No lie. Incoherence warning below.


I should be studying for my finals, but I'm like temporarily obsessed with myself after a teacher and the rest of the class crapped in their pants when they accidentally saw my work. It's really interesting to see what the rest of the world does. People who generally know me don't know that I draw at all and probably wouldn't even think I'm interested in some of the things that I am into. In fact, when I have tried to put myself out there I was always ignored or something always blows up in my face, this even means more recently with some of the things that happened to me. For example, a guy from high school wanted me to draw his tattoo, I couldn't complete it the way he wanted it while I was in China and I guess he had deleted me from his FB by then. I can never get my foot into an art class (I guess I don't need it?), and when I do want to participate in something artistic in the end they don't go with me or I get all this bureaucratic mess... I always thought it was the luck of the draw kind of thing, and to me, emphasizes why my family would be right as to why I should never pursue a career in this field. I've always took it as all these mini experiences I've had to date proven that I'm not cut out for being an artist as a long term career. I mean on DA I have like... no clout, but on more specific boards, back when I was active on boards, I gained a sort of respect from the community whenever it came to what I did. I always think I'm not cut out for a career in something like art not because I don't have the skill, you don't need skill, you need to hustle (which I don't mind, I do that every day with my studies) and be okay with being shameless in terms of making yourself more known. I think that's where I fall short, I'm really humble and even within the engineering major I have instances where my peers shut me off (mentally) in favor of whoever they deem to have more smarts or popularity or whatever (bear in mind I'm dealing with girls).  In addition to all of that, my family has never really interested in my hobbies, they were and always will be interested in me doing more technical stuff, I guess because of the path one of my brothers originally took as an artist and had it tank (this was before I was born). I never saw much of their interest when I did web design and never saw it with drawing. After my teacher (a professional musician) pointed it out to me last week, I don't know what to think anymore. Maybe it's finals week and I'm only wondering what am I doing with my life because I haven't learned what I should have within a semester, within my years in college... I don't know.